Hi Babe
Hi Babe… Good morning… I’m so glad you called. Otherwise, I might have just slept in. Wait…What’s the time? It’s …. 7:15.
Good.
Early enough to say bye to the kids before Ajit drops them off.
I can hear them laughing with Ajit. Thank God he’s so good with them. The mornings are hard. Always.
Hang on a second…. Let me just go and say bye.
OK Back.
Was just in time to say goodbye to the backs of their schoolbags, bobbing with excitement as they left the house, lunches packed.
Ajit. What a man, right?
I have forty-five minutes. It will take him that long to drop them off at school and return.
I need to get ready. A hint of makeup, just the way Ajit likes it. A kaftan over my lingerie. Because he likes to take it off.
And I need to put away my medication. Because there is nothing sexy about anti-depressants, no?
I always prefer it when he is naturally aroused. I hate it when he is forced to pop a pill. Yesterday, I woke up later. And wasn’t fully ready. And he took a pill. Because he had to get to work. I don’t know why he is such a stickler for time. My father won’t mind if he is half an hour late.
My days are so much emptier without our morning ritual.
I used to thank Ajit. But he didn’t like that. He doesn’t like talking about it. He fears my need for it - what he calls “my appetite”, as though I am some sort of glutton at a buffet.
He doesn’t understand that I am gasping for breath, that I don’t want this as much as I need it.
I’ve tried the toys. They are ok. More thorough than Ajit. But also, more clinical, more … mechanical. They feel good down there. But I feel nothing, up here.
No happiness. No thrill. No rush.
I need a person, someone who knows what he is going to do, a fraction of a second before I do. Someone who knows the steps I know and teaches me some new ones.
OK. I’ve already spent too much time talking. Only forty minutes, now. And I need to get ready. Talk later?
Ok. I can talk. He’s gone now. I feel so much …. better. I need it. We need it.
This is my favourite part. Well, not my favourite part, exactly, but you know what I mean, no? This feeling of lying back on the bed, my skin flushed and warm, the sheets, cool and soft, lying here and cooling off, until the AC gets too cold, and I have to cover myself up again. I love this. The alarm clock is behind me, on the headboard, where I can’t see it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to know.
Shit, it’s beeping. He must’ve set it to this time… The man is so damned organized….and sorted.
Haiyyooo. I have to get ready. Yoga.
Ajit says I need it. That it helps with the depression. Maybe it does, I don’t know. Or maybe he says it to give me an activity that forces me to go out, and get somewhere, on time (heaven forbid I am late) for something.
He is that way. Without a timetable, he’d be lost.
Me? I’m lost anyway. Hahaha…
I have to rush now. See you at Yoga?
Hi…. There you are. I was worried you’d bunk class today.
I love seeing you here.
I love being here, once I drag myself out of the house. I love how we all look in yoga pants, how they feel on my skin. I am naked and yet clothed.
Today is Abhi’s class. I love his classes, because he is so graceful. And so gentle. I know you do too. I’ve seen you looking at him, as he walks in between us, don’t try denying it!!
And he is so careful. Doesn’t touch. Sometimes, I wish he would. But he doesn’t. Corrects us carefully.
“Listen to your limbs… watch your limbs…. Feel your limbs”, he says, with that music playing in the background. I don’t “do” yoga in his class. I feel it.
Hello… Surya Namaskar time. He’s going to lunge and plunge himself. Don’t want to miss this. Talk to you after class?
Hi… Back home. Waiting for them to come back from school. Told Nirmala Akka to make Gobi paratha for their snack today. Vidyut’s favourite. He was so upset when they didn’t pick him for the school football team. This is the least we can do, no?
I’m amazed at how disconnected Vaibhavi is from her brother’s life. They go to the same school. In the same car. She is only two years older than he is. And she doesn’t seem to care.
“What happened to Vidyut?”
“I dunno”
Anyway, I’ve also got them both a surprise – a new waveboard for Vidyut, and a new top for Vaibhavi. Vidyut’s the one who needs cheering up, but if I get him something, I have to get her something, no?
We had two, so they would have each other after we were gone. I don’t know how that is going to pan out.
Maybe it will. Maybe Ajit is right and I am just overthinking.
Anyway, while I am waiting for them, let me catch you up on what happened after yoga today.
I actually misplaced my phone and realised only when I was leaving the building. Had to run back to get it.
No, seriously, that’s what happened….
And thankfully, Abhi had found it and kept it aside. He was winding down after class, and so I stayed on and helped him. And then afterwards, he asked me if I wanted to join him for a cup of tea at the tea-kadai downstairs…
Yes, he only asked me… Do you think, in a million years, I would suggest going to a tea-kadai?
Anyway, he lit up a cigarette. Can you believe he smokes? After telling us in his “studio” voice to “relaaaaxe”, he needs a cigarette to relaaaaxe himself.
I asked him if he did one-on-one sessions. He said yes. I think I will sign up.
Do you want to sign up too? Not with me, but on your own?
Phew. Good class today, no?
I tried the one-on-one last week. I hated it. He insisted that it happen at the studio. Apparently it’s against policy to do one-on-one sessions at home, or some silly reason like that.
He was going through the motions. No life. No energy. It was just mechanical. Like a robot.
He asked me today if I wanted to schedule another this week. I said no. I saw his eyes widen with surprise.
I mean, I understand him pushing for it. It’s 4000 a session for him. It’s a significant amount for them, no?
Did you try one? No?
Try it, no? You may like it. Don’t let me bias you. We should help him as much as we can.
Heyyy… I’ve missed you.
Long weekend for the kids. We went to Kodai. I didn’t tell you?
Beautiful place. The mornings weren’t as much fun, though. Different routine, so I didn’t miss it too much. Lots of hiking. Lots of dessert. Lots of fun.
Good to be back though. It feels good to stretch. I love Abhi’s classes. Maybe I shouldn’t give up on the one-on-one.
Come, I will drop you. No driver today, I am driving. We can talk on the way.
I am going to Raj Park now. Akshay is in town for a meeting. He’s staying at Raj Park and suggested we meet there. Have I told you about him? No?
So, you know how these people who call themselves “foodies” rave about random things? Like, “this is the best bhel puri I’ve ever had” …. or “the best butter chicken ever made is from XYZ” ….
Akshay is the best bhelpuri I have ever had. Don’t look at me like that… Ok fine, look if you want, but I won’t look at you. I am driving, anyway…I shouldn’t be looking at you.
Seriously, though, I wish my thing was food. It would be so much easier. No one would say I was “cheating” if I hopped out for some bhel puri when there was dal, waiting for me at home.
OK. We are at Raj Park. Your place is nearby, no? You’ll take an auto from here?
You up?
OK… Its 1 am. Guess you’re asleep.
See you at class.
Oh, I’m so glad you came today.
I need to talk to you. So badly. Because only you will understand.
Abhi opened up to me yesterday. Told me everything. About his past. It’s horrible.
There’s so much sadness in the world, no? I can’t even imagine what any of this must have felt like.
Have you noticed that sometimes, Abhi’s eyes are bloodshot? Like today, for example.
Abhi told me that he has trouble sleeping if he doesn’t have a drink. And that he needs it to deal with everything. I actually understand that part. Sometimes you need to do whatever you need to, just to get through the day.
Like when his brother took his own life, last month. How do you even process it?
I tried to hold his hand, and he pushed it away at first, but then held on, gratefully.
I feel like I have to help him somehow. He has nothing. No one.
Just try one of his one-on-ones, if you haven’t. I’m recommending them to everyone I know.
I am writing this note to you. I don’t know if it will reach you.
I’m actually writing it down with a pen. On paper. Because I want to think about every word.
I have nowhere to go. Nothing that will fix this.
Ajit told me today that he wants to leave me. That he’s had enough.
I feel like my world will come crashing down around me.
I will go before he does. He can stay on and look after the kids by himself. It’s what he was planning to do anyway.
I’ve been ….
Hi babe.
Lots of drama yesterday.
Got into a massive fight with Ajit.
He feels so threatened by everything. Literally every single thing. My father’s wealth. My friendships. My past. My needs. Everything.
He threatened to leave.
I threatened to end it all. I wasn’t serious. It’s not like I wrote a letter or anything.
Nothing happened. Just lots of threats. But it upset me.
I was texting Abhi about it later. He called me at once.
He sounded drunk at first, but the minute he heard about my issue, he snapped out of it and offered to guide me through some pranayama on a video call, to calm myself.
Such kindness, no?
Hey… Are you free to talk?
So, I just got off the phone with Abhi.
He is in a bit of a tight spot with his money situation. We have no idea what it’s like, no? Sometimes I feel guilty for being so fortunate.
I bailed him out last month, when he needed it for his brother’s funeral … But he’s falling short. And things are still tight.
Can you lend him something?
I’ve already lent him thirty thousand. I’ll make sure to tell him to repay you before he repays me.
Thank you so much. You’re such a darling.
Hi babe.
I’ve missed all the classes last week.
Ajit has signed me up for some counselling sessions. The timing clashed with the yoga here.
I hate it. I feel so much more comfortable talking to you than to the therapist. I hate her.
I’ve been careful about what I’ve been telling her. I haven’t told her anything about Abhi. I did tell her about you and me. I also told her about Raj Park. She listened to it as though I was reading out the weather report.
Be alive!!! React!!! Respond!!!!
My God, it’s like talking to an inanimate object.
But anyway, the one good thing that came of this was, when I told her that I’ve stopped yoga classes because the timing clashed with her sessions, she changed her schedule for me. Yoga is good for me, she said.
So here I am!! Yay!
Abhi asked me if I was free for coffee this week.
I asked if I could bring you along.
He had no idea who you are.
“I don’t really focus on each of my students like that,” he said.
Pompous ass.
I told him I was the one who convinced you to lend him money.
At least remember her face, no?
Honestly… men.
Anyway, let me know when you are free. Otherwise, I will end up going alone. Come along, no? Will be more fun if we go together.
Hey.
Call me.
Did you lend any money to Abhi?
Twenty?
Did he return it?
Thought so.
He hasn’t returned my fifty either. Yeah, I lent him another twenty since I told you about it. Don’t ask. I have a problem, ya.
Anyway, just like I asked you, I had also asked Shalini to lend him some money. She lent him twenty, just like you. And he paid her back.
Can you imagine? He probably paid her back with the same notes that you gave him.
He thinks we are fools, silly fellow. Like we don’t know what is going on.
But what to do, ya? Once he’s my friend, I can’t toss him aside.
But that’s beside the point.
I just wanted to know if he paid you back.
I told him, “Whether or not you pay me, make sure you pay her”
He hasn’t?
Fool!! I’ll remind him.
I’m so sorry you had to see that, babe. Seriously. I am so embarrassed.
You’ve never met Ajit before, no?
In all these years, I’ve never seen him like this. He’s never hit me, or the kids, ever.
Abhi didn’t even do anything to deserve it.
It was me. I pushed it too far. I blew Abhi a kiss. And that made Ajit mad. I mean, I did it to get a rise out of him, I’ll admit. But I only thought it would make him up his game tomorrow morning, after school drop-off.
I hadn’t bargained for this.
“I’ll teach that bastard a lesson”, he said…Oh my God… I didn’t know how hard he could punch.
I hope Abhi is ok. His nose was bleeding so much.
I begged him not to file a complaint.
I hope he doesn’t.
I’m so sorry…. Ok… I need to go and check on Abhi. He looked like he was in so much pain.
I don’t want Ajit to get into trouble. And I don’t want Abhi to be in pain.
Only a mother of two will know what I feel right now.
Talk soon.
Hey
Just wanted to let you know Abhi’s better.
He told me he will be back next week.
Thought I’d keep you informed.
Babe, I need you here now…. Just come here as fast as you can, no?
I did something terrible.
Ajit found out about everything.
He found out about Abhi.
I was slicing some fruits in the kitchen, and I had left my phone on the table.
He picked it up, unlocked it (I had no idea he knew the passcode) and he saw the chat log with Abhi.
The pictures, the selfies, the videos, the jokes, the screenshots from GPay, everything.
He threatened to leave me. And tell my father. And the whole world.
My father would cut me off completely. I know him. He’s ruthless like that. He wouldn’t understand.
I tried to explain all of this to Ajit. But he laughed at me.
“Good”, he said “This way, I won’t have a reason to stay. I will be forced to leave. And then you can go and live with that yoga gigolo.”
I don’t know exactly what happened.
I was holding a knife. And I got mad. And everything went blank. All I remember was thrusting…and then twisting… Oh God…Why did I twist?
I’ve called an ambulance…. But I don’t know if… I don’t know what’s going to happen….
Just come here, as quickly as possible…. Please?
“What happened?”
“Domestic trouble. She stabbed him.”
“Why?”
“No idea. She isn’t ready to talk.… Don’t know what’s going on, really…”
“Why?”
“She kept saying her friend Bhanu would come. We called the number she gave us… We heard a phone buzzing in her cupboard….”
This is so beautifully written. I want to write more about why this such a good short story, but can't do it without spoiling it.
Reminded me of the "The Yellow Wallpaper".
WOW!